“We need to talk,” she said, and as thick as my teenage skull was, I knew that phrase meant trouble. On the way home from work I stopped at her house so that she could break up with me. When she was done, I scraped together what little dignity I had left, held my head up, and walked away (controlling the urge to run). As my car came into view I began to realise that my hopes for a quick getaway were not going to materialise. While my girlfriend had been breaking my heart, my car had been simultaneously experiencing a similar, if more literal, fate. My now-ex-girlfriend’s mother had reversed into it, and now the driver’s side door resembled my insides. It wouldn’t open. And the car was parked beside a wall, so the door on the other side couldn’t open either. I ended up having to squeeze my broken spirit ignominiously through an open window. So much for a dignified exit.Continue reading The Serious Business Of Laughing At Myself
The Actress Who Didn’t Tell Me About Herself
The empty seats at the table filled up with people I didn’t know. The lady next to me struck up a conversation and as the usual questions went back and forth, I learned that she had studied drama at university. Since she raised the subject, I mentioned that I had enjoyed being involved in a local musical society. She wanted to know what parts I had played. We talked about spotlights and becoming someone else on stage, and then dinner came and the conversation widened to include other people and topics. It wasn’t until later that someone told me, “She was on the West End.”Continue reading The Actress Who Didn’t Tell Me About Herself
The Joke I Should Have Laughed At
Saying that I knew it all along was a lie, and they knew it. Saying that I was just playing along didn’t stop their eyes from laughing at me. I would have laughed, too, if I were them. I should have laughed, too, with them. I don’t know where my neighbour got the iron pyrite, all I know is the story they told me about finding it in the woods and do you think there’s more and will we all be rich? I’d never seen gold ore before, but it certainly looked the part. I was old enough to know the stories about children finding treasure, and young enough to forget that I was a fool.Continue reading The Joke I Should Have Laughed At
Is It Really More Blessed To Give?
All you have to do is look at a shop window, and you’ll know that the season of giving is fast approaching. Along the way, we’re likely to be reminded of Jesus’ teaching that “It is more blessed to give than to receive”.
Really?Continue reading Is It Really More Blessed To Give?
The Humiliation Of Sleep
There’s a meme going around saying that a bed is just a padded shelf where we put our body when we’re not using it. The saying is oddly clever, but it doesn’t capture the fact that we don’t actually have a choice about sleeping. It’s going to happen. Consciousness wears us out, and then leaves us, despite our best efforts to force it to stay for the coffee and energy drinks. Eventually, we all need that shelf to serve as our wireless recharging station. Try as we might, even the strongest and fittest and most prominent humans can’t avoid shutting down regularly. For hours on end, we lie prostrate, vulnerable, and undignified on our beds, completely unaware and unable to work on our to-do lists and ambitions. Presidents snore. Queens drool on silk pillows. Celebrities wake up with bad breath and messy hair. Geniuses roll out of bed with foggy brains, groping for the coffee pot.